So, like many, I have wondered if 'blogging' would be a good idea.  A lot of times one chooses to blog when they are needing to journal, or feel the need to allow some transparency into their life due to various unspoken or unseen events.  For me, this is the case.

Let me begin by saying that we have had a great journey as a family the past two years.  We have not only moved, but we felt as if God was leading us in a whole new direction with our family.  Ever since we had been married, we struggled with a peace about our job situations and how we could allow Jason to be and do what he was supposed to do and to figure out what that even was exactly and allow for me to raise our children as a stay at home mom.  It was always a luring conversation.  However, we did not know that during that time, God was preparing us for a whole new direction to take during our 6th year of marriage. It was not coincidence that God placed a very amazing counselor in our path just at the right time before we made this transition. One day the counselor said "so what if God is calling you to go somewhere else and do something different?". We both looked at each other and said "Well, we'd go! However, there's no place to go, and we have no idea where to even begin." God even orchestrated a conversation with Jason's boss (our campus pastor) that basically lead us to decide if Jason was truly called into ministry.  That was a hard one to swallow at first. But then we both prayed about it and decided as one, that God was in fact not calling us into full time ministry, but to simply be a part of ministry as a part of our life.  That is what started our moving toward leaving Charleston, jobs, family and friends. After a few more conversations with our counselor, family and our campus pastor, we decided that it was time to go. Amazingly enough, we both had a peace that Nashville would be our next place to reside. Why Nashville? Well, other than the obvious reasons because Jason is a musician, we felt that here, he would get the experience and tools he needed to do what he felt he was supposed to be doing.
We left our comfort zone, and even traveled quite far away from any family and knew next to no one when we arrived. Getting to our new state here in TN wasn't a quick transition either.  It took 6 months to get to a place where we were able to be together as a family.  We had such a great set up during this transition despite the reality of the situation. We had to go through a rough time with trying to sell our home- to which we ended up having to shortsale due to being so far under in what we owed vs what it was worth (thanks to the economy crash after I bought the home) which ended up taking a whole year to finalize.  We were basically homeless and jobless when we left Charleston.  It was a very tough transition leaving, but such a blessing for me to be able to be in my home-town and spend some much needed time with friends and family.  God was providing mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually by placing me around trusted family and friends during the first part of our transition.  Jason soon got a job in TN- not the job we had envisioned, however, a job that would be just what we needed at this time.  So, for 6 months while we were apart, we looked, and looked, and looked and prayed every day for a place we could afford to live in TN all while Jason continued to search for a more 'career' like job at the time.  That time finally came in May of 2014 and we were able to then move June 6, 2014 to TN and join Jason again as a family.  We had a place to live, but still no clear picture about Jason's "career" job.
The transition to TN was very hard.  I am a home-body.  I love to be in places that are familiar to me and to have family near by. However, during this time, I had none of those.  If it wasn't for one family Jason knew from CSU (before I attended) that lived here, I would have been even more of a hermit and very depressed. We became friends quickly and then through joining their church at the time, were able to slowly develop relationships.  A year later, those relationships have grown to a place where we feel comfortable and as if we have 'family' here.  The past year was tough- I still struggle with not being close to family and childhood best friends. I still have a strong desire to be around family and really close friends, but God has not changed our current residence and I am still learning to trust that and know it is a season.
As far as Jason's growing career- he is still at his original job, however, last summer, we decided he needed to further his education in a field that he desired to work.  He has not only done well through this program, he has made the directors list every semester (straight A's).  He is well respected at school and has developed some great relationships.  He is at SAE (School of Audio Engineering) and will receive his diploma in Audio Engineering September 11, 2015. We do not know where his next job will be or what he will be doing, but he does know that he is wanting to work towards becoming a producer.  He is constantly looking for a job in audio engineering and will keep looking until God leads him to the right position.  For now, he will continue working at the music store (where he is a great music salesman) and hopes to do a paid internship on his days off in a local studio upon graduating.  He is also finishing up his third album which will be finished later this fall.

So, as a part of this current adventure, we have been trying to conceive to grow our family.  Of course, in my plan, we would have our kids 3 years apart- perfect, right?  Well, apparently it's not the best plan for our life.  God has decided, for unknown reasons, to delay and possibly even close our ability to have more children at this time.  If anyone has ever been faced with infertility, you understand the tears every time that time of the month comes along and proves yet again that you are not pregnant.  I question a lot of things.  We have been trying since last July to have another baby.  As a few know, I had/have a fibroid.  It was discovered around week 10 of my pregnancy at 3 cm. Thankfully, it is on the exterior of my uterus, but still grew to be about 9 cm once Adalyn was born. As of December 2014, it was 5cm.  This, along with our current life stresses and unknowns, has caused me to be angry, depressed, grouchy, confused, frustrated, as well as humbled, forced to trust, relinquish control, and truly value the blessing that Adalyn has been in our life.  I cry at the unknown possibility that she may be an only child.  She plays with an imaginary sister and longs for a playmate and we have always wanted more than one child. Everyone else is having children and most people I know have had little to no struggles growing their family.  I have done the ovulation tests, done cleanses/detox, tried to keep up my exercise (other than when I had a broken foot for 8 weeks this spring and gained 10 lbs), and tried to evaluate every possible reason that I may not be getting pregnant. I have even gone through the whole "just quite trying" and it will happen mental game. I have let go of this possible infertility and given it to God over and over. Every month, however, it is like an elephant in the room as we wait those few days for my body to show us if we are pregnant or not. Why? What's wrong with me? All I keep going back to is that God has a reason- I know, but it still hurts and still is inevitable that we are not getting pregnant after a year of trying. I will have a dr. appointment in August, although it is for a yearly appointment, I am hoping for some answers.  I have specifically chosen a dr that has experience with fibroids and can shed some light on my current situation.  I have not seen a dr. for over a year because of fear that I may get news I was not ready to hear.
There are so many unknowns in our journey at this point and it can be exhausting- but as my late grandpa used to say "It's not about what will you do 'if' the difficult times happen, it's about what you do when those times come. It is a journey and an adventure".  Will we get to have more children? Will I ever be pregnant again? Will we live in Nashville for years or months? What kind of job will Jason finally get? Will I finally be able to be a full time stay at home mom? Will Jason get to be a producer? Will we get to live near family again in the near future? I could spend all day in the unknowns at this time.  For now- we have a safe, nice place to live, our needs met, a great situation where I only have to go into work twice a week, where Adalyn can be with me, a side income through an essential oil business, and Jason has a job and is very successful at his school.  God is good, despite the struggles we face.