The last post was an update about our journey with surrogacy. This one is a quick update about my remission! 

Had my official remission appointment last Thursday. New Dr since mine retired literally weeks after my hysterectomy. He’s nice and was positive- even taking about our surrogacy journey- he took the time to find out about me at this point which was encouraging of course. 

He did his exam and said “everything looks great! I’ll see you in 6 months!”  Phew!! The absolute easiest oncology visit I’ve had. New phase in my health journey, new Dr to take me through the transition.  I cried tears of relief. 

He even said that bc of my type of cancer and my current diagnosis (all clear), I should have no reason to not go through hormone treatment if we ever decided to go through another retrieval. Praying we won’t have to make that decision and all will go well with this precious potential future child.  

Thank you for the support and prayers as we are constantly acknowledging  God's hand in this. We are reminded (as I said in last post) that even through the advancements in this process, God is in control. Despite all the great numbers on paper at retrival, only one embryo was usable (grew and healthy). 

Financially- it’s overwhelming. But we are trusting that God has lead us this far- he will continue to provide. Money is not life (but it helps). 

So, I guess I missed the part that said that the PGA testing results don’t come in for 2 weeks. So they freeze the ones that grew into embryos and then wait for the results. So- I got a call and they said that out of the 4 embryos one of them was healthy. The other 3 would not have survived the transfer which is why we did the tests since we are using a surrogate.  My nurse asked if I wanted to go through another retrival process, but considering my health, we are not going to consider it unless this transfer fails. We are hoping to not have to  make that decision, but we are also very mindful of what my two health drs tell us. I have a check up w the oncologist this week and another chest exam in January- so our decisions will be based on what those check ups/drs say.



So one- we have one little healthy embryo waiting! We are hoping for a November/early December transfer.  Lots of prayer not only for our peace, and a sticky baby, but for our surrogate as she embarks towards this next step-peace for her.

This process is humbling to say the least. Remembering with each step competed, we are not in control. God is the author of life. This process paints the image of God as the creator more than ever.

We are forever grateful for our surrogate and her husband for stepping into this priceless journey! No matter what happens, she is already a rockstar!

We have 4 usable embryos!
We are moving towards the next few steps that hopefully will go quickly and we can move towards an October or November transfer!

(If you’d like a t-shirt, let me know. We have to have a minimum of 5 shirts in our order to reciece funds, so it’ll have to be more like 10 requests for a shirt before we would launch another t-shirt order.)

Quick update thus far for those who have been supporting us in a variety of ways!  Retrieval went really well. 12 retrieved. And then 9 fertilized!! We are now waiting for the phone call on Wednesday to tell us which ones made it to bioplast (became an embryo) and which ones are healthy enough for a transfer. ❤️❤️

Btw- didn’t expect to have after egg retrieval pain! But- ouch. Trying to regulate my system and decrease bloating/swelling coming off of high hormone meds and letting my one little ovary return to normal size!

We are going to be praying hard at this point for continued peace and direction as we can only afford one surrogate (7k-10k each), although we want so badly to use both since our numbers were high- they only transfer one embryo due to health and safety for the surrogate. (Thankful for that). Keep prayin for us!!

I was just lying here thinking about tomorrow. Thinking about how great the process thus far has been.  I’ve had more support than I thought through this and they are excited for me and our family’s next phase of life. We are in a new phase. After many disappointments and heart aches and breaks the past several years, getting good results health wise and fertility wise  is reenergizing and uplifting. Seems as if this part wasn’t the issue (we knew that). It was just the growing chamber that was broken. :/  We are still humbled that we get to take this ivf/surro route to grow our family. We are almost broke and take each bill as one step at a time, but after spending so much $ on my health the last few years to preserve fertility,and  my health , we know money comes and money goes. God knew when he made me, I was not a quitter when facing a challenge given to me. This is my journey. God doesn’t give the same circumstances to everyone.  He has equip me for this phase. So for that- I’ve endured 2 weeks of injections, multiple appointments and blood work and now- waiting. Egg retrieval is tomorrow. We find out Friday which ones made it to embryos and then next week, which ones are strong enough to be used. My ivf nurse did not anticipate such a successful suppression cycle, but we have had amazing results- 7 or 8 to be retrieved! We also know not all of them will make it- maybe 1/2 maybe 1/4. A bit restless, but I know we have dedicated our minds to one step at a time. I know multiple people who did not make it to this step on the first attempt. I know many who have to repeat these steps multiple time to prep for egg retrieval. I don’t know what will happen, but I know we are surrounded by amazing support and prayer for each step! Those who have walked closely with us the past 4 years and are rejoicing at this phase for our family.  Thank you- you are my inspiration when I doubt, fear or want to give up.

So-we proceed to the procedure tomorrow and then we wait. Thank you for the continued prayers as we step into another level. Day by day.  I’ll try to keep up with this blog as we move towards transfer day!

Thankful at this point, despite what seemed like an end to having another biological child, we were told by the dr that I could keep an ovary. Not something we expected to be able to do, so we are thankful! I was highly encouraged to get the genetic testing to determine my course of preventative tests at this point. The particular cancer gene they tested for, I did not have. Phew. Thankful. So, with knowing that, along with being able to keep an ovary, we decided after much research, seeking professional guidance to educate ourselves, we decided to move forward- one step at a time with surrogacy. We are about a month into the process and I have begun our part of the process with the dr. Each phase demands a financial responsibility and in the end we will have needed about $16k, if we progress smoothly. Our financial goal is much lower than the average thanks to blessings from insurance and from some dear friends here in town who have a big heart and are willing to carry a future child for us. We are applying for grants, funding, and literally taking one step at a time.
Thank you for your prayer, encouragement, and support as we continue this journey through this currently open door.
We may have never thought we’d be faced with this journey, but we would never had been able to make it this far without support and prayer. There has been light in the midst of a darker situation.  It takes a village! #brewervillage
We have our first fundraiser started. Feel free to share the link.
 https://www.bonfire.com/it-takes-a-village-13/

Living with a new norm

Living in a new norm.
I’m not living in the new norm yet because I am still healing internally. Anyone who has had a hysterectomy knows how long and tiring the healing journey is no matter what the reason was for the hysterectomy.
The DNA results came back negative which is awesome for my child’s future. Mentally it’s relieving on many levels but emotionally it makes it harder bc I want something to blame for my endometrial cancer. It’s too complicated to even figure out what caused it even though it could be just severe hormone imbalance. Diet, exercise, and managing stress from a hormone perspective will have to be part of my new norm. Any hormone nutritionist specialist out there??  No one can control their risk for cancer completely but at least I can take back my body knowing I won’t be facing pregnancy or strong crazy weight gain meds at this point. Trying to take control over more tangible things will help.
So what now? We are meeting with a fertility specialist (hopefully one our oncologist actually recommended before we knew the cancer had come back) and consulting with him to see if I am a candidate to be able to use a surrogate since I still have an ovary.

My new norm will be being a person who is strong physically and mentally one day at a time. I will hug my child a lot more and cry thinking about how much she fills my heart. I will be someone who moves on. I will have bad days bc let’s face it hormone changes super suck. It may take a year before I actually don’t have physical set backs (not myself 100%). I will have days of ugly crying and hopefully restoration. I have not abandoned my faith. I am in a valley. I am just waiting in peace during this stale phase after being so engulfed in so much emotion the past 3 years. I will eventually have fire and passion again for what I did in the past- I will eventually be able to sing, rejoice and proclaim goodness. But for now- just as in any deep relationship that goes through a rocky place, as a human, sitting quiet during this spiritual lul is where I’m at. I don’t like this place and hope it passes sooner than later.

So for now- peace, finding a new hope, finding new things to look forward to (thanks to my late Gma for always making that a known priority), holding my miracle child close, and rebuking fear of my health future (thanks to the word cancer as anyone who’s been there knows).

Thanks for the prayers as we move forward with life and figure out how our family may or may not grow as I continue to heal on so many levels.

There’s a lot to be thankful for despite, but for now just trying to heal from the past 3 years.

I feel defeated. I am angry. I guess taking a risk 3 years ago has brought me to a dead end. I am only writing this post at this point to share where we are at. I can’t pray right now- I can’t think. I need a lot of intercession in the next week. I got the call today that I have cancer again in my uterus. I had cancer in my uterus after a biopsy in July of  2016.  I had a d&c following that biopsy and he said “I don’t know what I pulled out, but there’s no sign of cancer in your uterus.”  Fast forward and I’ve had pre cancer and then an all clear biopsy. It seriously has been the most draining roller coaster rides of my life.
So what now? Hysterectomy next Friday most likely. . I have a d&c tomorrow to look inside (per my request) and then we have a very very small chance of one last pregnancy. If d&c is 100% clear- immediat fetility dr treatment plan for at most 3 month. If no pregnancy- immediate hysterectomy- we are not playing with fire anymore.  If d&c is not 100% clear- hysterectomy as scheduled for next Friday.

Our last biopsy  in October was clear!! Praise the Lord.

Well, the oncologist was not expecting to see me again, but as of now, I will be going in for my routine biopsy on April 3. Praying and believing in another clear biopsy!!
We have since sought out some OBgyn guidance and have a plan with them to see if we have some options to help with a future  pregnancy.  We are taking baby steps with this part of the journey until after our CLEAR biopsy in 2 weeks.

Pray for a clear biopsy, wisdom as we are given options from obgyn, peace, and strength to get through another step. He has healed, he has done a miracle, he can do it again and we are coming boldly to him expecting beyond what we even are hoping for (clear biopsy).

Emotions are crazy (go figure with hormone imbalance), so working through each step and clinging to truth is what I have to choose despite negative pregnancy tests each month, or what I may feel with anxiety, anger, frustration. I will choose peace and truth.