Ok. We had a d&c to analyze the growth in my uterine lining last Monday. I received a call from the oncologist today. He said "Well it's good news,  it is just precancerous cells again and it wasn't much at all. So if you want another chance to conceive biologically, you can do the progesterone medicine again for 3-4 months. So I will see you again in March."

So what does this mean? It means Gods not done yet. He has given us another chance. I do not have to have a hysterectomy yet. It means that my body is doing well considering, but it still needs to be treated for the precancerous cell growth- no matter how small.

It also means I will gain weight. I know it is directly related to the medicine and that m y body won't  burn fat or calories the same way, and I will be restricted to no carbs or sugars and still gain weight. It means that we will need a lot of strong prayer warrior to help us fight an emotional and mental battle that the medicine creates. We made it through last time, we can make it through again.

Pray for wisdom after the medicine treatment to know our best/safest timeline for trying to conceive . The highest risk this medicine comes with is another ectopic. We, along with the Drs, will use my  past history and try to lower the risk of another ectopic too soon after the medicine treatment. Again, specific prayers for this wisdom.

We are praising God that we do not have to proceed with a hysterectomy just yet and although it's a tough journey, we know (from many evidences) that God is in control and giving us the stamina and wisdom through this journey.

Thank you for all the continued prayers and for the many many prayers we will be covered in these next few months.
We are at peace and praising God for this next step.

D&C

This has been such a long journey. It's not just infertility we are faced with, it is the cancer cells in my uterus that we are fighting against. I had my 4month biopsy on Thursday. Today- Tuesday, I got a call from the oncologist. He said "Well, it's coming back. It's not much, but it is there. If the  D&C comes back clear, we don't have to have a hysterectomy. However, you will have to take the medicine again for 4months  if you don't have to have a hysterectomy."

Again I am hurting in my heart and soul. I have a lot of questions. I have a lot of defeated feelings. I am again angry on a lot of levels.

I am also clinging, clinging to one last chance that I may or may not get.

I am again at a point where I need a lot of prayer warriors to help fight. Fight against the odds. Fight against the cancer cells that keep wanting to come every few months. Fighting against the pain and temptation to give up. Fight against the mental lies. Fight against the hopelessness that I cycle in and out of.

Please pray on my behalf since I am at a point of few words.

Well, we were originally scheduled to have a routine biopsy in November. Due to some possible concerns, an ultra sound was done this week.
Two smaller growths which they initially call "polyps" were found in my uterus again. They would explain why we haven't concieved yet after the D&C in July.
We are awaiting a call from the oncologist to schedule another D&C to remove these "polyps" before having a healthy uterus for possible conception. Instead of the biopsy in November, we will most likely have the biopsy of the tissue from the D&C in the next week or so.
Positives: there was no apparent growth in the uterin lining. The "polyps" were smaller than the growths found in the past. These are both good signs when praying against any cancer  type growth in the uterus.

Where we are now: praying for no precancer or cancer cells in the tissue from the D&C, prayer for wisdom of the Dr. regarding next steps or options to prevent any growth in my uterus long enough to conceive, praying for peace about any results or steps we take next in this journey.

We are still also praying about the next steps and ideas for fundraising for possible adoption as well since we know the preparation itself can take a long time and a lot of finances up front. We know God may be leading our journey in that direction and we now have open hearts to his plan either biologically or through the gift of adoption.

We have come a long way and learned a lot about God and his character through this. We are still rejoicing from the amazing miracle we experienced from the last biopsy/D&C. We know God still deeply loves us and wants what is best for us and our future family even though it can be hard to grasp that in the midst of so many ups and downs and back and forth from unknowns with my health.

I hope someone can be encouraged and hopeful through our journey as they see that God is still performing miracles, is faithful and loves unlike any love. I will continue to post many many verses and encouragements from what I have been learning through this on a daily basis.  I cry, plead, rest, proclaim, praise...

Your prayers have been heard and many have been answered in forms of blessings! Thank you for you- prayer warriors!!

Well, the oncologist called with the results from my D&C procedure on Monday.

The conversation went like this...

"Well, this looks good."
What does that mean?
"You did not have much tissue in your uterus and the tissue I pulled out is very organized and looks good.  I am not sure what cancer cells we pulled out for your biopsy in June, but there are no defined cancer cells from your D&C.  You don't even need to take megace (progesterone meds I had to take last August). I will see you in 4 months for a follow-up D&C if you are not pregnant."
I told him he had no idea how many people were praying specifically for a miracle for my health and situation.  He said "Well, it worked!"

Wow!

Please share this testimony of God's miraculous works through the power of prayer.  It has been a lot of heart-ache and it's been a long journey-  we are not done yet, but at least we have this amazing milestone of praise and glory!!

Wow. The power of prayer has been felt a lot this past week. I have had so many moments of peace and serenity between the roller coaster emotions. We have made it through a super tough week.

So the MRI- it was performed to show if there was masses/ large growths, or growths in my uterine lining. My lining was healthy looking from the MRI. It was not to confirm or deny the presence of cancer cells completely.
The MRI came back GReat! No masses or growths and no cancer embedded in my lining.

So now what?

I have to proceed with the DnC Monday morning at 7:30 am CT. This will give us some more clarity on the stage of the cancer cells present.

If it comes back with no abnormal cancer cells, we can proceed with the progesterone treatment for 4 months, gain 15 lbs, fight emotions like crazy- and then have another DnC and if it can  confirm no cancer growth- then proceed with trying to concieve again.
This is the process we already went through from last August-December and got clear results last time.

If it comes back with abnormal aka-ugly cancer cells, then we will have a hysterectomy wishing 2 weeks from this  Monday.

We are mentally ready, whether hard or not, to proceed with a hysterectomy, but still able to hope for complete healing.

This post won't have the energy to be long. It's been an exhausting day. I had an ultrasound in May by a radiologist. It came back all good.  I had the biopsy (routine), on Thursday. I got the results today. It's cancer. In August I was diagnosed with pre cancer in my uterus, went through medicine for treatment, got all clear results in December.  Had an ectopic pregnancy January-March.

Our next steps are to have an MRI of my pelvic area. This MRI will determine if I can do another round of medicine or have to have a hysterectomy. The MRI will most likely be the 7th or 8th of July and my dnc to clear the cancer cells out will be Monday, July 11.

Not sure what else to think, pray, or say. We covet all prayers.

Apparently we are still not done with this exhausting journey. I have a deep sense of sympathy and draw to any expectant mother in their in-fertility journey. So many Drs, so much waiting, so many what ifs and unknowns. Thankful that we don't have to experience this journey absent from many prayers.
I also have a sympathy and understanding for all those who have experienced phases of cancer/precancer in their lives as it also is a lot of Drs and a lot of waiting for tests and more tests and tests to be sure of the tests.
It is hard to juggle the bills, insurance calls, diets, mental stability (letting the  unknown go every single day), the poking, prodding, not so great phone calls with Drs and nurses... Sometimes I wish I could just get re-assurance, a sign of what's to come. But that's not Gods character- he wants us to just release to his will- even if the worst news comes at the worst time. I have been learning how to pray "yes". It's hard. It's hard to keep releasing- daily. I have lost it several times as I re-energize to keep moving forward with this journey and not give up hope that no matter what the outcome- it will be ok- because God is God. That's it. No room for what if God, if you just...God. He is still God, he is still good and he is still working in every area of my life. I have no idea why, I may never know. It's the same question everyone who faces hard times and bumps in life ask. But it doesn't matter why- it matters what I choose to do with my situation. I know for a fact that God is saying "keep the faith, fight the good fight". I am not giving up. I am not stopping just bc it's hard.

I had a bad experience (twice) with one of the "nurses". The second time, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her proceed to do the biopsy on me last Thursday. Unfortunately after a series of red flags during the procedure, I got the news that the tissue sample was not enough to be tested and that I would have to schedule a D&C outpatient surgery again. I knew immediately in my head  this was not my only immediate option and called to make sure that I was seen this week for another biopsy by the actual Dr. After many phone calls, I have a second biopsy attempt on Thursday at 9:30am.

There is still a chance for the biopsy to not be successful, but at least I get another chance before having to go through outpatient surgery again.

Please pray Gods mighty power to enable to Dr. to retrieve a successful tissue sample, my body to withstand the in office procedure, and a release of any outcome.

I guess it is time for an update. I went in on May 10 for an ultrasound as my routine 6 month check up for the precancer. Thankful it came back all clear.  The Drs all said go ahead and try again. I went in for my apt today with the oncologist. Apparently, they expected to get a lining tissue sample. But with us trying this past month, they said they couldn't get a sample until next month.
A little hard to hear bc it means that we technically should not have pursued trying, despite them telling us to. So we have to wait until July to begin trying again. And I will be back to the oncologist in 3 weeks to get a uterine tissue sample to be tested before trying again.

Please keep praying for us as my brain and emotions are worn every time we get a negative test, or the waiting process for test results, or a positive pregnancy test, accompanied with controlling my fears of a possible ectopic, or miscarriage. Having wisdom in our journey to concieve including my hormone sensitive diet, exercise... And times of serenity for Jason and I.

Well, I was hoping for a different update, however, again, our journey needed a few more bumps in the road.
I am currently sitting waiting to have an emergency procedure after an internal rupture due to an ectopic pregnancy.
We did not think we would end up in this situation since we had caught it early and were able to treated it via medicine to help it asorb and miss carry.
However, for some reason, the medicine dropped the numbers related to pregnancy beautifully, but yesterday (Thursday), I had such sharp pains early evening that I knew (from friends and Drs) that I needed to get to the ER.
They gave us decent results and all my tests came back great- my pregnancy levels had even dropped a lot.
Well- pain continued- they sent us home with meds and this morning I felt more bloated than ever.
Sure enough, it was internal bleeding- something had ruptured between the ER last night and my dr appointment this morning.

I am scared. Anyone with internal ruptured or bleeding should be.
Looks like worst case from all this is I loose a Fallopian tube.

Good news as many know, one less tube does not decrease your fertility much at all.
God isn't done with our journey yet.
Please pray for the procedure and safety. Pray we get some rest a d reprieve from this roller coaster. Pray for financial provision as we are still recovering from last years medical bills.
Pray for our family as we continue on the journey- even if we are giving my body a break for a bit.
Pray that my visit with the Oncologist in June (standard procedure), bears positive results to extend our time to keep trying.

Thank you for all the prayers, assistance a with our family as we go through yet another unexpected visit to the hospital.