This post won't have the energy to be long. It's been an exhausting day. I had an ultrasound in May by a radiologist. It came back all good.  I had the biopsy (routine), on Thursday. I got the results today. It's cancer. In August I was diagnosed with pre cancer in my uterus, went through medicine for treatment, got all clear results in December.  Had an ectopic pregnancy January-March.

Our next steps are to have an MRI of my pelvic area. This MRI will determine if I can do another round of medicine or have to have a hysterectomy. The MRI will most likely be the 7th or 8th of July and my dnc to clear the cancer cells out will be Monday, July 11.

Not sure what else to think, pray, or say. We covet all prayers.

Apparently we are still not done with this exhausting journey. I have a deep sense of sympathy and draw to any expectant mother in their in-fertility journey. So many Drs, so much waiting, so many what ifs and unknowns. Thankful that we don't have to experience this journey absent from many prayers.
I also have a sympathy and understanding for all those who have experienced phases of cancer/precancer in their lives as it also is a lot of Drs and a lot of waiting for tests and more tests and tests to be sure of the tests.
It is hard to juggle the bills, insurance calls, diets, mental stability (letting the  unknown go every single day), the poking, prodding, not so great phone calls with Drs and nurses... Sometimes I wish I could just get re-assurance, a sign of what's to come. But that's not Gods character- he wants us to just release to his will- even if the worst news comes at the worst time. I have been learning how to pray "yes". It's hard. It's hard to keep releasing- daily. I have lost it several times as I re-energize to keep moving forward with this journey and not give up hope that no matter what the outcome- it will be ok- because God is God. That's it. No room for what if God, if you just...God. He is still God, he is still good and he is still working in every area of my life. I have no idea why, I may never know. It's the same question everyone who faces hard times and bumps in life ask. But it doesn't matter why- it matters what I choose to do with my situation. I know for a fact that God is saying "keep the faith, fight the good fight". I am not giving up. I am not stopping just bc it's hard.

I had a bad experience (twice) with one of the "nurses". The second time, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her proceed to do the biopsy on me last Thursday. Unfortunately after a series of red flags during the procedure, I got the news that the tissue sample was not enough to be tested and that I would have to schedule a D&C outpatient surgery again. I knew immediately in my head  this was not my only immediate option and called to make sure that I was seen this week for another biopsy by the actual Dr. After many phone calls, I have a second biopsy attempt on Thursday at 9:30am.

There is still a chance for the biopsy to not be successful, but at least I get another chance before having to go through outpatient surgery again.

Please pray Gods mighty power to enable to Dr. to retrieve a successful tissue sample, my body to withstand the in office procedure, and a release of any outcome.

I guess it is time for an update. I went in on May 10 for an ultrasound as my routine 6 month check up for the precancer. Thankful it came back all clear.  The Drs all said go ahead and try again. I went in for my apt today with the oncologist. Apparently, they expected to get a lining tissue sample. But with us trying this past month, they said they couldn't get a sample until next month.
A little hard to hear bc it means that we technically should not have pursued trying, despite them telling us to. So we have to wait until July to begin trying again. And I will be back to the oncologist in 3 weeks to get a uterine tissue sample to be tested before trying again.

Please keep praying for us as my brain and emotions are worn every time we get a negative test, or the waiting process for test results, or a positive pregnancy test, accompanied with controlling my fears of a possible ectopic, or miscarriage. Having wisdom in our journey to concieve including my hormone sensitive diet, exercise... And times of serenity for Jason and I.